If you have read anything here in the last few weeks, you'll know that I've been annoyed by trying to 'hear' God. His silence - or, more, my inability to sit and listen - has left me more than a little frustrated. To the point of believing that He's nowhere around. Nothing had happened to cause me to feel like that - no trauma or crisis or anything.
Well, I didn't know what to do, so I was talking with a friend this weekend about it (sacred time right there), and he suggested that maybe I was actually too close (I'm paraphrasing). Well the truth is, I haven't been willing to wait and listen in silence.
Here's some things I've been trying to get in the right state of mind - maybe something here will work for me. Or you. Even if it doesn't, these don't hurt.
My journal - well the blog, at least. Whether I'm able to write something or not, I sit with my laptop and think about the day, about God
Examen - sometimes this comes naturally from the journaling
Reading - pretty straight-forward. Different translations of the Bible; books of poetry; other blogs
Meditating - sometimes this looks an awful lot like a nap
Music - usually classical, depending on my mental state and mood. If it's really bad, bluegrass
Prayer - obvious, but not always easy.
What has struck me since that conversation is the realization that I didn't hear Him before I went down this path either. He was just as silent before, and I didn't have any problem believing. I'm going to keep waiting for a whisper, an embrace, a shout, a call, a vision, a dream, a push.
Maybe the best thing for me to do is to stop trying so hard.
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