What I was thinking about today is how I don't really think about today. Or at least the moment I'm actually in. The realization was inspired by this morning's church service - indirectly. But it had nothing to do with Epiphany.
It was during the spot in the service where we sit silently for a few minutes. During that time, I generally try to do some centering prayer; sort of clear my mind and prepare myself to receive the sermon text and intentionally be in the presence of God. Instead of doing this, my mind was wandering all over the place.
I'm not going to tell you what I was thinking about. The good news is that I was at least talking to God. The problem was I was praying about the future - things I wished would happen, asking Him what could I do to make these things manifest themselves, asking for His intervention.
That was today, but, to be honest, I find myself doing this a lot of the time. My prayers and actions are geared towards things I want, tomorrow's desires. And, often when they aren't, they're focused on the past and unsettling memories. It seems there are two Christian principles which support this temporal anomaly: hope and forgiveness. Hope is the power that keeps me looking to the future and trying to make it better. Forgiveness looks to the past and helps me to make peace with it.
The problem is that I'm so busy with yesterday and tomorrow that I pay no attention to what's happening now. I'm still living, but I'm on auto-pilot. God has given me the gift of time and I'm a lousy steward. This proportionate thing is tough. I don't think it's wrong to consider the future or the past, but I shouldn't live there all the time. The largest portion of my time should be spent in the moment.
One of my new goals for 2013 is to live that way.
Can I get an amen?
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