Vox Dei

Ok, this is getting kind of creepy.  Last several days I've been thinking/writing/complaining about hearing from God. Or actually not hearing from God, to be more precise.

Today, I'm still feeling spiritually dried up; trying to figure out what I wanted to write here.  So for lack of a better idea, I Googled "today's lectionary" and the first site I looked at cited Psalm 29 as one of the readings for this week:

The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
   the God of glory thunders,
   the Lord thunders over the mighty waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
   the voice of the Lord is majestic.
The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars;
   the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.
He makes Lebanon leap like a calf,
   Sirion like a young wild ox.
The voice of the Lord strikes
   with flashes of lightning.
The voice of the Lord shakes the desert;
   the Lord shakes the Desert of Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord twists the oaks
   and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, “Glory!”

What the heck.

The more metaphysical of you might proffer that God is trying to tell me something through this.  That I'm not being open and receptive.  But I'm not buying it.  There's nothing here that smacks of anything more than coincidence. 

Right?

I'm not sure why I'm so anxious to hear from Him anyway. 

Maybe I'm looking for validation that He's there. 

Maybe I'm looking for a reason to keep believing. 

Maybe I'm waiting for Him to answer me when I talk to Him. 

Maybe I need the green light on this stewardship discipline thing.

Maybe it's all that and something more?

While others are content, assured, and hearing God through more subtle, metaphorical ways - a bird, a song, a sermon, the thunder and lightning - I'm feeling a need for something more concrete.  More than a little audacious, I know. 

It'd even be ok if He spoke to someone else and I just overheard it - that way I could recognize His voice if I ever were to hear it again.  Frankly, I think even if I did hear Him speak, I'd misunderstand anyway.  And if He told me to do something, I'd either screw it up royally, totally blow it off, or argue with Him about why I can't do it.

Perhaps, when I get my life more balanced, I will have enough quiet space that He can fill.  I'm trying to make space now, but I'm having trouble shutting the doubt and the other voices off.  There's a lot swirling around.  He may very well be talking, but I may not really be listening.  I'm pretty sure He'll forgive me for that...

I believe; help my unbelief!