Joy, Maybe

Struggling this past week or so on how I'm going to approach the upcoming holidays.

Generally, at this time of year, I have a tendency to withdraw some.  Which is fine I suppose.  It's kind of become a preemptive strike against Christmas parties.  Although that's one of the perks of being a widow - I've noticed that people seem to get funny (though they probably won't admit it or even realize it) about asking an older single person to a dinner or party - it makes it awkward having an odd (wo)man out.  Inviting couples, married or otherwise, is much simpler; as host/ess, you don't have to worry about making sure everyone is entertained, since they will have a built-in buddy to talk to. (Frankly, the host isn't the only one worried about feeling awkward in this situation.)  Of course, it may just be me (or my personality at least; I know I make a crappy first impression) and have nothing to do with the odd/even thing.  A distinct possibility.  But, I can tell you, I went to a lot more things when I was part of a duo.  Still, maybe it's a coincidence.  Any other older single people out there can chime on in here.

The other thing is, so I'm Christmas shopping...looking for some items for my sister and daughter, but clothing choices this time of year mostly are all sparkly/date-y/party things.  Even t-shirts and sweaters, for crying out loud. Sequins, beading, ruffles, that kind of thing.  Very distracting.  There have been times where I've found myself almost buying one, but I generally come to before I hit the register.  *phew*  I admit I do have a couple things that have some shine on them, cause I think they're pretty, but I readily accept the fact that they will be in third-string circulation.  It's hard to keep a low profile in glittery clothes, anyway.

And then there are the TV specials and Hallmark commercials. Just about everything out there is screaming, "YOU MUST BE HAPPY OR THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU."  Sheesh.

So, regardless, it would be pretty easy for me to just go with the usual withdrawal thing again this year - it's a comfortable, safe place to be.  It's just not all that much fun.  And I really like fun.  I think I need to rethink what joy means, too.  I don't have to be a social butterfly to experience Christmas cheer.  Maybe this year I'll try to embrace it instead of avoiding it and see what happens. 

I'll let you know what I decide.

PS. Yes - I know I didn't post yesterday (did you notice?).  By the time I was ready to last night, the Internet disappeared.  So sue me.