The Stewardship of Slack

Spent a lot of today trying to work out yesterday's snafu.  It's been a long, worrisome day, and things were only partially dealt with.  All in all, it went a little better than I thought it would, though.  I'm so grateful to God (and some others in particular) for the help I've received so far.  I'm still shaky, but hoping my stomach and brain will start to settle down soon, and that I get more than the two and a half hours' of sleep I got last night.  Probably shouldn't have had as much coffee as I did.

It strikes me that it's peculiar how, if another person has a problem, I do everything I can to help, comfort, and encourage them.  But when it's me, all I can think to do is beat myself up.  

Why is it so hard to give myself the grace that I would so readily give?  The bashing, the bullying, the name calling -  beyond the shadow of a doubt this would be considered abuse if I treated another human this way - even my worst enemy. As a Christian, I'm called to love my neighbors (i.e., everybody) as myself.  But when I don't love myself well, how does that manifest externally?  I know that I've been guilty of unconsciously castigating the 'me' I see in my daughter.  Ugh.  I suppose it's pride:  I should be better than this; above making all these stupid mistakes. 

As John Wesley said, "We cannot find any ground in Scripture to suppose, that any inhabitant of a house of clay is wholly exempt either from bodily infirmities, or from ignorance of many things;or to imagine any is incapable of mistake, or falling into divers temptations."  

God has forgiven me for mistakes and temptations so much more heinous than the 'sin' of omission that I've been dealing with.  Why do I think I don't deserve to cut myself the same slack I would cut others?  Just as I don't have to earn grace from God, I shouldn't have to earn grace from myself.  I have to find a way to let the Christ in me, forgive the mistakes made by the sinner in me.  Oh, and love me, too, while I'm at it.